Pliny's electoral map: Bringing our entire staff to bear to report the returns as they happen - or as we steal them from the stuffed shirts who will blab incessantly instead of just reporting the news. Or maybe they'll be distracted by some late breaking and earth-shaking car chase or celebrity meltdown. Watch the pretty color changes on this map as the results stream in. Unlike those uninspiring animations that the network spends millions on, here at P.E.C. watch as the size of each candidate's head changes to reflect the results until only one big head remains! P.E.C. - Your only choice for imbalanced reporting. If you want unbiased reporting your only hope is to go channel Edward R Murrow.
8:00 am. Breaking News!:
....McCain working class mascots including Joe the Plumber to form Men-at-Work II band when election is over....
.....Former Mayor Richard J Daley vows to cast a vote today in Chicago - and bring along many of his new friends....
.....Large numbers of retirees in Florida moving toward polling stations in scenes eerily reminiscent of a George Romero film....
.....Detroit police and fire braced for rioting or celebration depending upon election results. suggesting owners of blue cars and red cars keep them off the streets today.....
.....McCain aids blame switch to daylight savings time for Indiana's close polling - century inadvertently changed to 21st when the clocks changed.....
ONLY on P.E.C.
10:00 am. Breaking News!:
....Oregon voters slow to return mail-in ballots. Experts blame medical marijuana law....
.....New Hampshire precincts rush to tally results to be first to report. California and New York say 'big deal, we have voting booths with more people'....
.....Texas shows its complete lack of interest in new federal development dollars for the next 4 years by backing McCain....
.....New Orleans voters turned away unless they have lived in the same house for more than 4 years....
.....Anchorage; Obama asks Palin to serve the nation by keeping an eye on Russia for the next 4 years....
.....McCain's doctors report he is suffering from bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome induced by too many air quotes....
11:00 am. Breaking News!:
.....Kansas, pollsters report that the Rapture has definitely hurt McCain.....
.....South Bend; Karl Rove reportedly trapped in bell tower by angry mob.....
...... Columbus; nation uneasy with 20 electoral votes at stake in state which hosts the creation museum....
......Oil companies drop gas prices another 50 cents in last ditch effort to shore up McCain....
...... New York City; GOP saves money by replacing Rudy Giuliani with parrot that only repeats 'awk, 911, 911, awk'....
.....Malcom X's family offended that no attempts have been made to link Obama to the famed militant....
.....FOX news division admits that tomorrow 'they may have some splaning to do' to angry viewers who expect a McCain landslide....
.....Undisclosed location; Joe Biden's security detail asked by DNC to put their feet in his mouth to prevent him from doing same...
1:00 pm. Breaking News!:
.....pboyfloyd admits that GOP polices have always been for the birds....
....Houston; Aids to T Boone Pickens concerned about what to do with remaining unslung feces...
....Osama bin Laden still at large....
....Washington D.C., aids to President Bush hopeful that their new charts and graphs will convince their boss that the 22nd Amendment pretty much puts a period to his political career....
.....Pennsylvania; GOP mudslinging backfires, voters realize that no one single person could be a godless, Muslim, Marxist, socialist, terrorist, tax loving, hater of America and still have time for public appearances....
.....Phoenix; Straight talk express expected to make its last station call at around 1 am.....
.....Nation; Americans like that Sara Palin is a hockey mom, vote to keep her in that role....
.....Minneapolis; voters having a hard time forgiving Al Franken for 'Stuart Saves His Family'....
.....Virginia; Obama holds slight lead in number of attorneys on call to watchdog election....
2:00 pm. Breaking News!:....undisclosed location; with its 5th visitor P.E.C. pulls even with NPR in reaching the voters....
.....New Mexico; 1500 out of work movie extras hired to flood across the border on cue for assembled press to highlight the dangers of illegal immigration.....
......Americans flocking to polls in numbers not seen since before the last Civil War....
......Timbuktuu; Reverend Wright, Bill Ayers and Jesse Jackson expressed their surprise that attendance was so low at their DNC sponsored retreat....
.......West Virginia; McCain insiders worry that candidate's numbers fall by 1/3 of a point every time voters hear him laugh....
.......Los Angeles; GOP insider leaks that McCain considering announcing support for gay marriage and women's right to choose at 4 pm PST since Midwestern Bible belt will have already voted and godless west coasters just on the way home from work.....
......Nebraska; responding to a reporter who persisted in questioning Obama's experience, a state campaign worker replied, "If he had more experience he wouldn't want this crappy job".....
7:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.....Atlanta; CNN's holographic reporters at large incredibly lame until Galactic Emperor dials in....
.....Lexington Kentucky; state grabs label of first among losers....
.....Scientists at Cal Tech collaborating with Cornell team to greatly accelerate rate of continental subduction to reduce flyover time between coasts....
.....RNC chooses California governor to deliver concession if needed; DNC chooses Howard Dean - "i'll be back vs a guttural yell....
.....Phoenix; McCain campaign asks band at headquarters to stop playing 'Nearer My God to Thee'.....
9:00 pm, Breaking News!:
......Key predictor in election going for Obama - High level GOP strategists seeking numerous book deals!!!.......
......Pliny scoops national media by calling Florida!.....
......Deep south best hope no disasters occur in next 4 years....
10:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.......Fat lady seen doing the scales in Grant Park.....
.......Thanks to George W Bush! He screwed up so badly that someone other than a rich white guy wins the Presidency!.....
John McCain delivers a wonderful concession speech
My life spans Rosa Parks to Barack Obama .......Tomorrow all of America's children may wake up thinking that nothing is beyond their grasp. What will we achieve when all of us feel a part of this great land. America the Beautiful!........ Goodnight all, and to all a good night! The healing of our nation begins tomorrow.
8:00 am. Breaking News!:
....McCain working class mascots including Joe the Plumber to form Men-at-Work II band when election is over....
.....Former Mayor Richard J Daley vows to cast a vote today in Chicago - and bring along many of his new friends....
.....Large numbers of retirees in Florida moving toward polling stations in scenes eerily reminiscent of a George Romero film....
.....Detroit police and fire braced for rioting or celebration depending upon election results. suggesting owners of blue cars and red cars keep them off the streets today.....
.....McCain aids blame switch to daylight savings time for Indiana's close polling - century inadvertently changed to 21st when the clocks changed.....
ONLY on P.E.C.
10:00 am. Breaking News!:
....Oregon voters slow to return mail-in ballots. Experts blame medical marijuana law....
.....New Hampshire precincts rush to tally results to be first to report. California and New York say 'big deal, we have voting booths with more people'....
.....Texas shows its complete lack of interest in new federal development dollars for the next 4 years by backing McCain....
.....New Orleans voters turned away unless they have lived in the same house for more than 4 years....
.....Anchorage; Obama asks Palin to serve the nation by keeping an eye on Russia for the next 4 years....
.....McCain's doctors report he is suffering from bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome induced by too many air quotes....
11:00 am. Breaking News!:
.....Kansas, pollsters report that the Rapture has definitely hurt McCain.....
.....South Bend; Karl Rove reportedly trapped in bell tower by angry mob.....
...... Columbus; nation uneasy with 20 electoral votes at stake in state which hosts the creation museum....
......Oil companies drop gas prices another 50 cents in last ditch effort to shore up McCain....
...... New York City; GOP saves money by replacing Rudy Giuliani with parrot that only repeats 'awk, 911, 911, awk'....
.....Malcom X's family offended that no attempts have been made to link Obama to the famed militant....
.....FOX news division admits that tomorrow 'they may have some splaning to do' to angry viewers who expect a McCain landslide....
.....Undisclosed location; Joe Biden's security detail asked by DNC to put their feet in his mouth to prevent him from doing same...
1:00 pm. Breaking News!:
.....pboyfloyd admits that GOP polices have always been for the birds....
....Houston; Aids to T Boone Pickens concerned about what to do with remaining unslung feces...
....Osama bin Laden still at large....
....Washington D.C., aids to President Bush hopeful that their new charts and graphs will convince their boss that the 22nd Amendment pretty much puts a period to his political career....
.....Pennsylvania; GOP mudslinging backfires, voters realize that no one single person could be a godless, Muslim, Marxist, socialist, terrorist, tax loving, hater of America and still have time for public appearances....
.....Phoenix; Straight talk express expected to make its last station call at around 1 am.....
.....Nation; Americans like that Sara Palin is a hockey mom, vote to keep her in that role....
.....Minneapolis; voters having a hard time forgiving Al Franken for 'Stuart Saves His Family'....
.....Virginia; Obama holds slight lead in number of attorneys on call to watchdog election....
2:00 pm. Breaking News!:....undisclosed location; with its 5th visitor P.E.C. pulls even with NPR in reaching the voters....
.....New Mexico; 1500 out of work movie extras hired to flood across the border on cue for assembled press to highlight the dangers of illegal immigration.....
......Americans flocking to polls in numbers not seen since before the last Civil War....
......Timbuktuu; Reverend Wright, Bill Ayers and Jesse Jackson expressed their surprise that attendance was so low at their DNC sponsored retreat....
.......West Virginia; McCain insiders worry that candidate's numbers fall by 1/3 of a point every time voters hear him laugh....
.......Los Angeles; GOP insider leaks that McCain considering announcing support for gay marriage and women's right to choose at 4 pm PST since Midwestern Bible belt will have already voted and godless west coasters just on the way home from work.....
......Nebraska; responding to a reporter who persisted in questioning Obama's experience, a state campaign worker replied, "If he had more experience he wouldn't want this crappy job".....
7:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.....Atlanta; CNN's holographic reporters at large incredibly lame until Galactic Emperor dials in....
.....Lexington Kentucky; state grabs label of first among losers....
.....Scientists at Cal Tech collaborating with Cornell team to greatly accelerate rate of continental subduction to reduce flyover time between coasts....
.....RNC chooses California governor to deliver concession if needed; DNC chooses Howard Dean - "i'll be back vs a guttural yell....
.....Phoenix; McCain campaign asks band at headquarters to stop playing 'Nearer My God to Thee'.....
9:00 pm, Breaking News!:
......Key predictor in election going for Obama - High level GOP strategists seeking numerous book deals!!!.......
......Pliny scoops national media by calling Florida!.....
......Deep south best hope no disasters occur in next 4 years....
10:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.......Fat lady seen doing the scales in Grant Park.....
.......Thanks to George W Bush! He screwed up so badly that someone other than a rich white guy wins the Presidency!.....
John McCain delivers a wonderful concession speechMy life spans Rosa Parks to Barack Obama .......Tomorrow all of America's children may wake up thinking that nothing is beyond their grasp. What will we achieve when all of us feel a part of this great land. America the Beautiful!........ Goodnight all, and to all a good night! The healing of our nation begins tomorrow.
35 comments:
OMnG! They're all blue! Victory right out of the gate! [moonwalk, hop, skip, jump, salute, high five, terrorist fist jab, river dance].
I'm hoping that this is going to be a walk in the park for Barak.
'm hoping that this is going to be a walk in the park for Barak.
---------
How about a walk down Pennsylvania Avenue instead ;)
I hope you guys are right about Barack in general because the polls all say he's likely to win. Michigan has the worst econonic statistics in the country right now, and all of the major political players here are Democrats. I fear that the country will look more like Michigan with full Democratic leadership, but again, I hope you're right about Barack...
Ok you stringers! Bring us in the news as it happens!
And just for the record, as I said before, I'm staying away from the polls this election. McCain is a fossil and Barack is a >gulp< Democrat. I can't go for either.
... breaking news.
McCain's advisor's nationwide plea, "There's a real fear here that if things don't go well, the Senator's face will 'stick like that!'"
'Pretty Boy Floyd' (the bird) 'buttered me up' 'til I got him his cornflakes.
As I put them on 'his towel'(in Emma's room) he growled at me to 'Back away from his flakes!(or else!)'
That, coupled with his shameless shitting on me, his 'belief' that I belong to HIM(body and soul) and his constant need for me to love loving him...
... well it's so obvious now. Those 'red state' cheeks should've been the give away!
... well it's so obvious now. Those 'red state' cheeks should've been the give away!
-------
Is that bird a native of North America ;)
I used to have a male cockatiel, until my 2nd ex-wife posoned him before she gave him back to me in the divorce... I wanted to call him Jasper, but she was having none of that.
(shifty-eyed)"Poison eh? How would one, um, go about doing that? Just out of curiosity, you understand!"
Honestly, I do love the little bugger no matter how 'shit upon' I feel sometimes.
Much like a lot of Khaleefaw'neeans likely.
I was thinking that I ought to rename him 'Adolf' though.
McCain...is ahead. I...I forfeit life. I give up. I am done with democracy. I am putting a gun in my mouth as we speak. Sure, only two states have been decided...but the tension is killing! Obama... win, dammit, and win hard, or I my head will explode before the night ends.
check the breaking news Seeker - it should help
Pennslyvania is claimed! The victory train is a-rollin! Democratic domination is inevitable! I need lithium!
Those so-called liberal-leftist-media at CNN dreaming up scenarios where McCain might get to be heard saying, "Hey, I'm 90% like Bush, i just wanted to be the Prez, you didn't imagine that i 'had' a clue too?"
Love the sinkhole graphic, btw.
Repuglies are already saying openly, "Okay, we'll give you four years to get us back in 'fighting shape', then it's back to the old 'onward Christian soldiers' for the lot of us!(that was the plan anyways, right? Right?)
Then we need to get our s--- together before the 4 years is up!
You know, that picture does look a lot better without McCain on it. A marked improvement.
[moonwalk, hop, skip, jump, salute, high five, terrorist fist jab, river dance].
Oh good, now we can get back down to dinner.
Tonight on the menu, Kentucky Fried unborn babies!
"Kentucky Fried unborn babies!"
Nooooooooo! Not Kentucky!!!
Kentucky fried themselves tonight
I was just wondering what the new 'first' pets names were now that Baalzebub and Azazel(the unmentioned pet demons possessing Bush and Cheney) are 'jobless'.
Tomorrow the Republican will be harrumphing and 'I-told-you-so-ing' that nothing has changed overnight!
Not being inaugurated yet isn't likely to stop "Joe"(I dream of riches) the plumber's assistant(who would be king of plumbers) from pre-stirring the shit and blaming Obama for anything that happens to him("Joe") from a clogged toilet to a flat battery.
"Weren't those goddamed dems promising that we'd all be shitting gold today?"
"I was just wondering what the new 'first' pets names were now that Baalzebub and Azazel(the unmentioned pet demons possessing Bush and Cheney) are 'jobless'."
I'm personally hoping that they get a stray dog, of no particular relevance, name him "Joe the Plumber", and take him in as one of their own.
Apparently me and pboy have a psychic connection, because I composed my last post before I even saw him making Joe the Plumber references. Eerie.
And yes, there will be much harumphing. Probably not from expecting instant change (they have the sense to complain about that after his actual inauguration; maybe 2 or 3 minutes), but mostly in regards to whatever straws they can grasp, whatever things they can panic about, whatever things they can dredge up to bitch about. It will be very entertaining, I am sure. Finally, a reason to watch Fox News!
FOX News? I was planning to take the President's advise on that one - can we ignore those blow holes for the next 4 years? - Yes We Can!
Now all the 'Bill O'Reillys' have to go change all the 'reasons to support the prez, "no matter what!", back to, 'reasons to NOT support the prez, "no matter what!", AGAIN!
Seeker, psychic connection you say, scarey you say, it's MADNESS, it's madness alright, a paradisey kind of madness!
WOOHOOOOO!
Medical marijuana passed in Michigan, and I'm a glaucoma patient! Gotta go find my seeds that I've been saving since the late '70s...
YEEHAH!
Okay, I'm calmer now.........
Barack like, slew McCain.
A landslide.
And I voted for him.
Now, I'm watching all the neocons heads explode on tv. I've been waiting for this.
I'm with ya bro - the first hour of the election was too intense - couldn't be sure enough people had pulled their heads out of, well, you know. But America surprised itself last night
Ok, we've given him four years. Now let's HOPE he is more than just an eloquent speaker. I don't expect results overnight (and neither should you), so I'm not rushing to any judgements. I shall judge him by his FROOT LOOPS.
All:
I postd this in response to Oneblood's statement.
Oneblood:
"I just voted my conscience. I feel like I lost a little today as a conservative christian but won as an American. Does that make any sense?"
-oneblood
Congratulations! You have not only listened to your intellect (ss well as your heart), but you have been honest enough with yourself to admit it. If all far left and far right voters were willing and able to do what you have done, our country and our culture would be in a much better place. We now must hope (or pray, if you prefer) that those of us who were in favor of Mc Cain realize that 1)the people have spoken (fortunately with a clear preference) and 2)now that Obama is our next president, we had better all get behind him and pray for his success (even if only for selfish reasons).
November 5, 2008 9:30 AM
I take this opportunity to be the first, but hopefully not the last, to remind us how our democracy is supposed to work (and, thankfully, usually does). Let the healing begin, and go on, and on, and......
...and if he sends me a $1,000 stimulus check, He'll be my buddy
for a little while.
Thanks Harvey - I believe that I understand how Oneblood feels. And every time someone finds a reason to have common ground this country gets stronger. We don't have to stop debating - we just all have to realize that we play for the same team - the good ole USA!
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