2.21.2011

The Alternative Rag

Mac's lyric response deserves a proper one in return. So for you Mac - with your twisted (a trait I am glad to share...) love of the rhyme, here is something a bit different from my usual rhyme. It started because of a letter to the editor about a new bill to remove parental protections in Oregon for parents who let their children die of medical neglect because of faith-healing. The writer was concerned that this would be a slippery slope used to eventually outlaw all kinds of what I call alternatives to care. So in response here is my ode to alternative care. The amystic must fight mysticism where ever one finds it and fight against pre-scientific thinking in its many guises. With proper apologies to Steely Dan, the following 'alternative lyrics' should be matched with the melody from "Rikki don't loose that number". (It doesn't rhyme but neither does the source.) I know there's an extra stanza but I had to cut 3 more out already.
Hear you left the practice, that’s ok
but choosing an alternative to real care is a big step
I guess you kind of scared yourself, judging by your call
But with facts you may have a change of heart

Reiki’s just another woo blunder
plain water cures nothing but your thirst
twisting your spine’s a really good way to hurt yourself
Reiki’s just another woo blunder
science-based care, not Asian needles
is the only one that can actually make you better
so you live to go home

Don’t know how to make it more plain
Stickin needles won’t help unless it’s carrying meds to a vein
A week of water or herbs and a colds sure to go away
but of course it would have anyway

Reiki’s just another woo blunder
plain water cures nothing but your thirst
twisting your spine’s a really good way to hurt yourself
Reiki’s just another woo blunder
science-based care, not Asian needles
is the only one that can actually make you better
so you live to go home

your spine is out of alignment or is it in the wrong house
hard to keep all this straight since it changes daily
say we’re being mean if we ask for proof
they can make anything other than your cash go away

Reiki’s just another woo blunder
plain water cures nothing but your thirst
twisting your spine’s a really good way to hurt yourself
Reiki’s just another woo blunder
science-based care, not Asian needles
is the only one that can actually make you better
so you live to go home

Claim to tell what ails you from the bumps on your head
I’d add a few if some sense it would imprint
It might make your neurons restart

Reiki’s just another woo blunder
plain water cures nothing but your thirst
twisting your spine’s a really good way to hurt yourself
Reiki’s just another woo blunder
science-based care, not Asian needles
is the only one that can actually make you better
so you live to go home

-----------------------------------------------



14 comments:

Harry C Pharisee said...

Nice :)

Very amystical of you.

There should be a Steely Dan tribute band with the lyrics all done in pig latin... Squealy Dan.

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Very amystical of you

Harry, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me ;)

as for the rest Badda boom and a groan

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Plus, would it not actually be Teelysa Ande?

mac said...

Oh, it's plain to see
you've done way better than me.

But, you are wrong !
'Tis a fine song.
The lyrics are strong.
And not at all too long.

I admit, I kinda feel a fool,
At first I tried to sing My Old School"
Then, damn, I tried The Royal Scam.
Like a jerk, I tried Dirty work.
Deacon Blues too !
(But not Hey 19, know what I mean?)

Finally, I aquiesced
For this post, Rikki is the best :-)

mac said...

That's just like me to leave of a C.
(aCquiesced)



Word verification: Swordhoe
What that means, I don't know.
I find it interesting, though.

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Swordhoe - hmmm sounds like something Ron Popeil's great great grandfather would have invented...

GearHedEd said...

You guys are aware that the name "Steely Dan" originally came from a catalog of sex toys, and Steely Dan was a large dildo?

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Half of the names of rock bands are either sexual or drug related references.

Harry C Pharisee said...

"Plus, would it not actually be Teelysa Ande?"

D'oh!

mac said...

Swordhoe is downright biblical now that I think on it. Was it in Isaiah about turning swords into plowshares?


"If you act now, RonCo will throw in a second swordhoe, just pay separate shipping. But wait, for a limited time, we'll also include a spearpruner, a $39.95 value, absolutely free."

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Sign me up for that super deal!

Must be a featured special on the Quo Vadis Channel (and a new low for pundom is achieved)

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Harry, I've actually been working on an ontological argument for the existence of a particular form of supreme being based upon some of the comments over at Ste B's - right up your alley. ;)

Harry C Pharisee said...

What philosophy has to do with a euphemism for the anus or why this argument has to be 'up mine' no less is puzzling.

Are you aFreud of full frontal ontology?

Pliny-the-in-Between said...

Well, one thing I was doing was trying to use the ontological argument to conjure up the perfect pepperoni pizza. Since I imagine that it is perfect it should exist. And it should also be accessible, because only an imperfect pizza would be unobtainable. So far my faith in the cosmic pizza delivery man has been unrewarded.