Pliny's electoral map: Bringing our entire staff to bear to report the returns as they happen - or as we steal them from the stuffed shirts who will blab incessantly instead of just reporting the news. Or maybe they'll be distracted by some late breaking and earth-shaking car chase or celebrity meltdown. Watch the pretty color changes on this map as the results stream in. Unlike those uninspiring animations that the network spends millions on, here at P.E.C. watch as the size of each candidate's head changes to reflect the results until only one big head remains! P.E.C. - Your only choice for imbalanced reporting. If you want unbiased reporting your only hope is to go channel Edward R Murrow.
8:00 am. Breaking News!:
....McCain working class mascots including Joe the Plumber to form Men-at-Work II band when election is over....
.....Former Mayor Richard J Daley vows to cast a vote today in Chicago - and bring along many of his new friends....
.....Large numbers of retirees in Florida moving toward polling stations in scenes eerily reminiscent of a George Romero film....
.....Detroit police and fire braced for rioting or celebration depending upon election results. suggesting owners of blue cars and red cars keep them off the streets today.....
.....McCain aids blame switch to daylight savings time for Indiana's close polling - century inadvertently changed to 21st when the clocks changed.....
ONLY on P.E.C.
10:00 am. Breaking News!:
....Oregon voters slow to return mail-in ballots. Experts blame medical marijuana law....
.....New Hampshire precincts rush to tally results to be first to report. California and New York say 'big deal, we have voting booths with more people'....
.....Texas shows its complete lack of interest in new federal development dollars for the next 4 years by backing McCain....
.....New Orleans voters turned away unless they have lived in the same house for more than 4 years....
.....Anchorage; Obama asks Palin to serve the nation by keeping an eye on Russia for the next 4 years....
.....McCain's doctors report he is suffering from bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome induced by too many air quotes....
11:00 am. Breaking News!:
.....Kansas, pollsters report that the Rapture has definitely hurt McCain.....
.....South Bend; Karl Rove reportedly trapped in bell tower by angry mob.....
...... Columbus; nation uneasy with 20 electoral votes at stake in state which hosts the creation museum....
......Oil companies drop gas prices another 50 cents in last ditch effort to shore up McCain....
...... New York City; GOP saves money by replacing Rudy Giuliani with parrot that only repeats 'awk, 911, 911, awk'....
.....Malcom X's family offended that no attempts have been made to link Obama to the famed militant....
.....FOX news division admits that tomorrow 'they may have some splaning to do' to angry viewers who expect a McCain landslide....
.....Undisclosed location; Joe Biden's security detail asked by DNC to put their feet in his mouth to prevent him from doing same...
1:00 pm. Breaking News!:
.....pboyfloyd admits that GOP polices have always been for the birds....
....Houston; Aids to T Boone Pickens concerned about what to do with remaining unslung feces...
....Osama bin Laden still at large....
....Washington D.C., aids to President Bush hopeful that their new charts and graphs will convince their boss that the 22nd Amendment pretty much puts a period to his political career....
.....Pennsylvania; GOP mudslinging backfires, voters realize that no one single person could be a godless, Muslim, Marxist, socialist, terrorist, tax loving, hater of America and still have time for public appearances....
.....Phoenix; Straight talk express expected to make its last station call at around 1 am.....
.....Nation; Americans like that Sara Palin is a hockey mom, vote to keep her in that role....
.....Minneapolis; voters having a hard time forgiving Al Franken for 'Stuart Saves His Family'....
.....Virginia; Obama holds slight lead in number of attorneys on call to watchdog election....
2:00 pm. Breaking News!:....undisclosed location; with its 5th visitor P.E.C. pulls even with NPR in reaching the voters....
.....New Mexico; 1500 out of work movie extras hired to flood across the border on cue for assembled press to highlight the dangers of illegal immigration.....
......Americans flocking to polls in numbers not seen since before the last Civil War....
......Timbuktuu; Reverend Wright, Bill Ayers and Jesse Jackson expressed their surprise that attendance was so low at their DNC sponsored retreat....
.......West Virginia; McCain insiders worry that candidate's numbers fall by 1/3 of a point every time voters hear him laugh....
.......Los Angeles; GOP insider leaks that McCain considering announcing support for gay marriage and women's right to choose at 4 pm PST since Midwestern Bible belt will have already voted and godless west coasters just on the way home from work.....
......Nebraska; responding to a reporter who persisted in questioning Obama's experience, a state campaign worker replied, "If he had more experience he wouldn't want this crappy job".....
7:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.....Atlanta; CNN's holographic reporters at large incredibly lame until Galactic Emperor dials in....
.....Lexington Kentucky; state grabs label of first among losers....
.....Scientists at Cal Tech collaborating with Cornell team to greatly accelerate rate of continental subduction to reduce flyover time between coasts....
.....RNC chooses California governor to deliver concession if needed; DNC chooses Howard Dean - "i'll be back vs a guttural yell....
.....Phoenix; McCain campaign asks band at headquarters to stop playing 'Nearer My God to Thee'.....
9:00 pm, Breaking News!:
......Key predictor in election going for Obama - High level GOP strategists seeking numerous book deals!!!.......
......Pliny scoops national media by calling Florida!.....
......Deep south best hope no disasters occur in next 4 years....
10:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.......Fat lady seen doing the scales in Grant Park.....
.......Thanks to George W Bush! He screwed up so badly that someone other than a rich white guy wins the Presidency!.....
John McCain delivers a wonderful concession speech
My life spans Rosa Parks to Barack Obama .......Tomorrow all of America's children may wake up thinking that nothing is beyond their grasp. What will we achieve when all of us feel a part of this great land. America the Beautiful!........ Goodnight all, and to all a good night! The healing of our nation begins tomorrow.
8:00 am. Breaking News!:
....McCain working class mascots including Joe the Plumber to form Men-at-Work II band when election is over....
.....Former Mayor Richard J Daley vows to cast a vote today in Chicago - and bring along many of his new friends....
.....Large numbers of retirees in Florida moving toward polling stations in scenes eerily reminiscent of a George Romero film....
.....Detroit police and fire braced for rioting or celebration depending upon election results. suggesting owners of blue cars and red cars keep them off the streets today.....
.....McCain aids blame switch to daylight savings time for Indiana's close polling - century inadvertently changed to 21st when the clocks changed.....
ONLY on P.E.C.
10:00 am. Breaking News!:
....Oregon voters slow to return mail-in ballots. Experts blame medical marijuana law....
.....New Hampshire precincts rush to tally results to be first to report. California and New York say 'big deal, we have voting booths with more people'....
.....Texas shows its complete lack of interest in new federal development dollars for the next 4 years by backing McCain....
.....New Orleans voters turned away unless they have lived in the same house for more than 4 years....
.....Anchorage; Obama asks Palin to serve the nation by keeping an eye on Russia for the next 4 years....
.....McCain's doctors report he is suffering from bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome induced by too many air quotes....
11:00 am. Breaking News!:
.....Kansas, pollsters report that the Rapture has definitely hurt McCain.....
.....South Bend; Karl Rove reportedly trapped in bell tower by angry mob.....
...... Columbus; nation uneasy with 20 electoral votes at stake in state which hosts the creation museum....
......Oil companies drop gas prices another 50 cents in last ditch effort to shore up McCain....
...... New York City; GOP saves money by replacing Rudy Giuliani with parrot that only repeats 'awk, 911, 911, awk'....
.....Malcom X's family offended that no attempts have been made to link Obama to the famed militant....
.....FOX news division admits that tomorrow 'they may have some splaning to do' to angry viewers who expect a McCain landslide....
.....Undisclosed location; Joe Biden's security detail asked by DNC to put their feet in his mouth to prevent him from doing same...
1:00 pm. Breaking News!:
.....pboyfloyd admits that GOP polices have always been for the birds....
....Houston; Aids to T Boone Pickens concerned about what to do with remaining unslung feces...
....Osama bin Laden still at large....
....Washington D.C., aids to President Bush hopeful that their new charts and graphs will convince their boss that the 22nd Amendment pretty much puts a period to his political career....
.....Pennsylvania; GOP mudslinging backfires, voters realize that no one single person could be a godless, Muslim, Marxist, socialist, terrorist, tax loving, hater of America and still have time for public appearances....
.....Phoenix; Straight talk express expected to make its last station call at around 1 am.....
.....Nation; Americans like that Sara Palin is a hockey mom, vote to keep her in that role....
.....Minneapolis; voters having a hard time forgiving Al Franken for 'Stuart Saves His Family'....
.....Virginia; Obama holds slight lead in number of attorneys on call to watchdog election....
2:00 pm. Breaking News!:....undisclosed location; with its 5th visitor P.E.C. pulls even with NPR in reaching the voters....
.....New Mexico; 1500 out of work movie extras hired to flood across the border on cue for assembled press to highlight the dangers of illegal immigration.....
......Americans flocking to polls in numbers not seen since before the last Civil War....
......Timbuktuu; Reverend Wright, Bill Ayers and Jesse Jackson expressed their surprise that attendance was so low at their DNC sponsored retreat....
.......West Virginia; McCain insiders worry that candidate's numbers fall by 1/3 of a point every time voters hear him laugh....
.......Los Angeles; GOP insider leaks that McCain considering announcing support for gay marriage and women's right to choose at 4 pm PST since Midwestern Bible belt will have already voted and godless west coasters just on the way home from work.....
......Nebraska; responding to a reporter who persisted in questioning Obama's experience, a state campaign worker replied, "If he had more experience he wouldn't want this crappy job".....
7:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.....Atlanta; CNN's holographic reporters at large incredibly lame until Galactic Emperor dials in....
.....Lexington Kentucky; state grabs label of first among losers....
.....Scientists at Cal Tech collaborating with Cornell team to greatly accelerate rate of continental subduction to reduce flyover time between coasts....
.....RNC chooses California governor to deliver concession if needed; DNC chooses Howard Dean - "i'll be back vs a guttural yell....
.....Phoenix; McCain campaign asks band at headquarters to stop playing 'Nearer My God to Thee'.....
9:00 pm, Breaking News!:
......Key predictor in election going for Obama - High level GOP strategists seeking numerous book deals!!!.......
......Pliny scoops national media by calling Florida!.....
......Deep south best hope no disasters occur in next 4 years....
10:00 pm, Breaking News!:
.......Fat lady seen doing the scales in Grant Park.....
.......Thanks to George W Bush! He screwed up so badly that someone other than a rich white guy wins the Presidency!.....
John McCain delivers a wonderful concession speechMy life spans Rosa Parks to Barack Obama .......Tomorrow all of America's children may wake up thinking that nothing is beyond their grasp. What will we achieve when all of us feel a part of this great land. America the Beautiful!........ Goodnight all, and to all a good night! The healing of our nation begins tomorrow.
