Anatomy of an Un-apology

The Un-apology has become a staple of American politics. Caught red handed with one's hand in any metaphorical cookie jar and the right wing serial liar may be required to issue a formal un-apology. (Sometimes, they are sincerely sorry - that they got caught.)

GasBag issued one last week. Here is the transcript along with a literal translation:

A Statement from Rush: March 03, 2012
For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, (I am a hyperbolic ass) three hours a day, five days a week (apparently an unrecognized source of greenhouse gases. No wonder he's a climate change denier!) In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke. (what is the correct word substitution for slut? MEANING: there was no way I could have imagined that calling a young woman a slut by name on national radio could be misinterpreted as a personal attack.)

[I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress. (yeah, we should be bad mouthing gays instead) I personally do not agree that American citizens should pay for these social activities. (Which is why Rush goes to Thailand for his) What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? (I don't know, people like you spit in its face, is my guess) Where do we draw the line? If this is accepted as the norm, what will follow? (If we accept sex as a natural part of life? Probably the downfall of the right is my guess) Will we be debating if taxpayers should pay for new sneakers for all students that are interested in running to keep fit? In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone's bedroom (unless they are gay of course, then it's my business) nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level.] Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. Real intent of the message which is a staple of the un-apology which always contains a rationalization or excuse for the boorish or deceitful behavior. MEANING: over here! Pay no attention to what a misogynist gas bag I am, and ignore the fact that we already pay for Viagra. It's a guy thing, after all. My un-apology must restate my position, which is right and true. It helps later when I renounce my un-apology as just another attack by the liberal media devils. They tricked me in to being a total ass! Rush, it isn't hard to do. You ARE a total ass, this is just one time when people payed more attention.

My choice of words was not the best, (ya think?) and in the attempt to be humorous (trying to cloak a personal attack as misunderstood humor. If you call me on it, it means you have no sense of humor or are too sensitive. A classic bullying behavior.) , I created a national stir. I sincerely (oh, that makes it ok. That’s how we know it’s sincere - you said so! If you’d have left that out we might not have believed you) apologize to Ms. (Ms is code for feminazi) Fluke for the insulting word choices. (As opposed to the simple insulting tone and intent)

Gee, Rush, I guess we Un-accept...